Q: What can I do to maximize my chances of recovering?

A: What does this really mean? The key question is whether or not people who recover are doing anything differently from those who don’t — in other words, “Can I control whether or not I recover?” What we know is that it takes hard work to get better for most people. So being willing to work hard appears to be a major component of increasing the chance of success. There is a problem with quoting numbers from studies, which is that a study was done under a particular set of circumstances: a given therapist perhaps, or one kind of medication, or a certain population of individuals. Each person is different, doctors vary in their competency and relationship with patients, and in one’s process of recovery different ideas will be tried.  Another important thing to realize in working on recovery is that there are many options out there, and trying as many as possible increases the chances of finding something that works.

A critical element to recovering is having a supportive “pee buddy” or sponsor. This person commits to helping you recover. If both of you are working on recovery as part of a support group, you can also commit to helping the other person recover. The sponsor is not responsible for your recovery (only you can do that), but is there to help provide support, answer questions, give encouragement, and help deal with setbacks. This support extends to accompanying you to restrooms for graduated exposure work. A good sponsor is someone who is non-judgmental and a good listener. The sponsor makes a long-term commitment to support the new member. This commitment is truly heartfelt and a gift on the part of the sponsor.

Most who have made great strides in recovery had a pee buddy or sponsor of some sort. Your sponsor doesn’t need to be close to where you live; some people have had one in another city a distance away. As long as the two of you meet periodically and are able to talk by phone whenever you need to, a longer distance relationship can still be helpful. Many report that their pee buddy has become a lifelong friend and strong, mutually beneficial relationships have developed.

Our culture emphasizes self-reliance, and it tends to view asking for another person's help as a sign of weakness, especially among men. We would do well to reject this notion. Don't let a culture's mistaken beliefs get in the way of your recovery. Do what we know works. In athletics, it is well known that a workout partner can improve one’s fitness. We are just beginning to catch on to the idea that the same thing applies to recovery, which is a form of brain and bodywork.

Persistence pays off. Making up one’s mind to get better, and then doing what it takes to get there is a good way to improve the chance of recovering. Those who give up after seeing one therapist or going to one workshop are not going to improve. Be willing to change therapists or medications, attend more workshops, get involved in a support group, or become the leader of a support group.  The people who do these things report that they make progress. Studies indicate that people who take an active role in helping others recover from a number of psychological disorders have higher recovery rates themselves and spend less money on treatment.[vi]